Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda says "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A Tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates", he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick?"
"Well for one, I like to watch my money grow'. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, Lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."
John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOUR
* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
* "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
* "Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
* "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
* "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
* "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
* "The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving
effect."
* Oops....
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar.
They like each other and she goes back with him to
his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his
tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which
reads, "Reebok." She thinks that is a bit odd and
asks him about it.
Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras
pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for
advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she
sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same
explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the
underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS"
tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
He says, "It's cool baby. In a minute it's going to say
'ADIDAS'...